Sleepless Nights

Monday, January 20, 2014
It was midnight and neither of the little boys were sleeping.  Luke was cuddled close; he was scared of the dark, and restless from being sick all week.  Dominic, who usually falls quickly back to sleep while I nurse him, woke up to his brother's sweet, but very high pitched voice.  The night-light illuminated both their faces, and I watched as they stared at each other and shared smiles.  I felt like crying. I felt like shouting, "why won't you go to sleeeeeeep; I've still got stuff to get done!!!" But as I held them, in the quiet of the night, I thought about my vocation as their mother:  this is hard.  I want to sleep, yet I have so much to do.  Lord, you know how badly I need sleep.....why are they awake?!?!  And then those words from Pope Benedict came to mind, "you were not made for comfort, you were made for greatness."** This middle-of-the-night-work, nourishing these little boys both physically and emotionally, this is what God is using for my greatness.  It's not suppose to be easy...learning to die to selfish desires never is.  To love is to sacrifice.  And these boys; their sweet souls need tending, even in the middle of the night when they are scared and hungry and I am exhausted.  As I slowly began to get them back to sleep, I thanked God.  I thanked him for trusting me to raise them.  I offered a prayer for women who desire to be mothers, but who can't be, or who are struggling.  They would give anything, even countless sleepless nights, just to experience being a mother.  I pray I don't lose sight of how blessed I am.  Sleepless nights are hard, and I hope God will help me through the many of them I see in my future.  But regardless, I will be grateful.  Even when it's hard to be grateful, I will try.  God didn't make me for comfort, he made me for Greatness.

**of all the blog posts I read last year, this one was one of my favorites

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